1. “I’m not falling into poverty, I’m strata-surfin’!”
2. is cleaning my front door of all these pesky notices with words like “auction” and “foreclosure” on them.
3. is scraping resin.
4. is shopping at Goodwill for a disguise to wear to the food bank.
5. has reached such an all-new low credit score, FICO has a hit man looking for me.
6. is thinking maybe those Nigerians in my IN box can help me after all.
7. is checking my EBT balance.
8. is selling all my cds and records because I have them all backed up on my iPod, anyway. And then I’m selling my iPod.
9. is saving money on toilet paper by using my shower as a bidet.
10. is thinking of eating horsemeat . . . and I’m a vegetarian.
Shopping at Good Will for a disguise to wear to the food bank! Not a science, but an art – maintaining dignity and an air of the indomitable human spirit while asking the checkout girl at the thrift store if they wash the clothes before they put them on the floor, knowing the answer is always no but wanting to appear like you’ve never done this before, and wouldn’t consider wearing a strangers’ donated apparel without washing it; fully realizing she thinks your cute and would love to go out with you, in your surprisingly high quality garments you were able to pick up for pennies on the dollar. She just doesn’t want to have to deal with “just waiting a few more days to see if the fever breaks and the bleeding stops before going to the ridiculously expensive emergency room. It’s nothing personal, and you can’t really blame her.
It’s like my brother was telling me this evening…”there are plenty of woman out there… I explained that my real problem is that at this period in ky life, I couldn’t bring myself to date a woman who would want to date me. I mean really, I deserve better than that.
I like your list. David Letterman and his snobbish minions are idiots.
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